All I see in the news these days is articles titled ‘How To Enter *insert celebrity name here*’s Squad: A Guide” And let’s be real, I would love to join Taylor Swift’s squad and bake cookies all the time and spend Friday nights eating Chinese takeout on the floor with her cats while watching Law & Order, but that’s really just not feasible because I am neither a supermodel nor an up-and-coming pop artist. I know, I know.. the struggle of my life is truly tragic, but we must move on past it.. So in the spirit of squads.. here’s the 15 things it takes to be in my squad.
- Must be willing to share their sweater collection with me during these Fall months in Los Angeles.
- Must have an excellent sweater collection in the size Medium.
- Must be willing to listen to detailed descriptions of my emotions about each of the songs off of Taylor Swift’s latest album (and her entire discography, tbh.)
- Must nod and smile the entire time, while asking intellectual follow-up questions about the origins of each song and what phase in her life she was in when she wrote it.
- Must be okay with the fact that I would prefer to go out to breakfast instead of going out to dinner.
- Must be okay with the fact that consider a 9am breakfast outing to be late in the day.
- Must understand that social media is literally my job and it is literally a part of me to live-tweet any catastrophes that occur over the course of our friendship.
- Must acknowledge Mindy Kaling is the all-powerful ruler of sass and sarcasm and life in general.
- Must love cats or dogs. I would say cats and dogs, but I have realized that finding people who love both is pretty much impossible. Just love one or the other. If you hate both, then I truly don’t know if I can even associate with you.
- Must understand that I am an aspirational cook, not an actual cook.
- Must understand that buying matching onesies at Target during the holiday season is NOT EVEN THAT WEIRD.
- Must like onesies.
- Must appreciate the art of sitting at a coffee shop for hours on end (with laptops because I need to blog, duh.)
- Must act natural and un-affected if I decide to take a picture of my almond milk latte for Instagram.
- Must understand that I love you unconditionally and that I think that true friendships are the closest thing we have to real magic these days.
That’s it. That’s all it takes. Pretty simple, right?